Healthy Starts: Guiding Kids Toward a Positive Relationship with Food
Written by: Emily Bach, MSN, CNP, CHWC
2/20/2025
Are you feeling defeated when it comes to food and kids? You want them to eat nutrient-dense foods but also don’t want to force feed them. You're tired of eating the same foods all the time, but those are the only ones they'll actually eat. You also don’t want to restrict certain foods because you heard that’s bad, too.
So what does a discouraged and burnt-out parent do? Read on, because I have some tips for you.
As a nutrition enthusiast and mom of two kids, ages two and four, I value choosing the right foods for them. I also want to create a positive food environment. If you’re reading this, you likely have children as well, and it is also something you care about.
Kids learn a lot from their surroundings, mainly at home and school (or daycare). There are so many opportunities to create a positive environment and relationship around food starting at a young age! Seriously—it's never too early or too late to start! If you think your kids are stuck in their ways and will never change…think again. They adapt to what is consistently around them, and YOU are in charge.
You might have grown up in a home where some foods were not allowed or were spoken about negatively. Your parents or caregiver might not have eaten certain foods when you did, leaving you confused or feeling bad about eating the food in front of you. You might not have been allowed to have candy at home. Or maybe you had to finish your entire plate before leaving the table. These issues come from a dieting culture. Your parents meant well; they were trying to help you. This may have led you to have an unhealthy relationship with food, engaging in chronic fad dieting or being afraid of some foods for fear it would make you “fat.” Sound familiar?
Let’s strive for a better perspective on food for our children. It's never too late to introduce new habits and cultures to kids or anyone! So don’t be discouraged and don’t think your kids are already doomed for life.
This is a very simple lunch plate for my two year old son. Of course he is going for the cheese first, ha!
Here are nine tips to create a healthy relationship with food for you and your kids:
Model the behavior you want to see: Monkey see, monkey do. To help your child have a healthy relationship with food, start by modeling that behavior yourself. Are you asking your child to eat broccoli, but you won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole? Start eating it, or choose a different vegetable you like and can enjoy with your child. Also, allow your child to see you eat (and enjoy) pizza and ice cream at times! Are you eating while standing, or are you snacking all day instead of having a proper meal? Your kids will do that, too. Kids do more of what they see than what they hear, so try your best to be a great role model!
Serve a variety of foods, new and familiar: Trying new foods can be a bit scary, right? Serving three new items on your child's plate may overwhelm them. They might not want to try any of it. Instead, I like to introduce one new item at a time. I also want all of the other items on the plate to be familiar. Include at least one familiar and liked item on their plate. For instance, if they enjoy strawberries, add those to their dinner plate. This creates comfort and security at mealtime. So, they are more likely to try the new food on their plate. It also reduces their anxiety about trying new foods since they have a favorite. Winning!
Serve small amounts: Especially of new foods. It can be very overwhelming to a child when they see a large portion of a new food. Keep the portion small, and they can always have more if they want it. I’m talking one-piece-of-broccoli small.
Stay consistent: A child might not like a food now, but they may enjoy it later. And just because you’ve tried to serve it two or three times and they won’t touch it, that STILL isn’t enough. Keep trying. It can actually take 8-15 exposures for a child to accept a food. That is a LOT! If you’re worried about wasting food and not wanting to put it on their plate because you know they won’t eat it, see #3 above.
Give specific options: Kids need structure, but they also need autonomy. Don’t leave their options open-ended. Instead of saying "What would you like for a snack?” (you must be ready to give them whatever they ask for or get into an argument in this case), say “Would you like an apple or hummus and crackers?” If they protest and want a snack from the pantry, just keep saying “Would you like an apple or hummus and crackers? Those are your options," and stick to your boundaries. Yes, this is hard, and yes, they will likely throw a tantrum. Validate their want for the pantry snack and stick to your boundary! I promise you, it will pay off in the long run.
Avoid rewarding or comforting with food: Have you ever gotten home from a tough day at work and thought, “I deserve some pizza and ice cream tonight"? Or taken yourself out for a burger and fries after you got dumped? You learned this from somewhere, at no fault of your own. You probably got food as a reward or comfort at some point in your life. This can be a problem. It ties emotions to food. It also separates food from hunger and fullness. We want the opposite; we want to connect food to hunger and disconnect it from emotions. Children who are rewarded with food often eat more calories than they actually need. This includes dense, processed foods that can cause obesity. Over time, the child will expect a cookie each time they get a shot at the doctor’s office or when they stay quiet during your phone call. It's like Pavlov's dogs! Try praising, taking a trip to the park, or giving a new book or toy instead of using food for comfort or rewards. Serve “treat” foods like ice cream on an ordinary Tuesday. Do it randomly, with no ties to events or feelings. This allows the child to see that these foods are neutral.
Respond with neutral comments: “Great job!” may be our knee-jerk reaction when your child tells you they’ve eaten all of their lunch. Again, no fault of your own. That’s what we have conditioned ourselves to say and think! To keep food neutral, use clear, polite phrases when your child talks about what they eat. Try saying “you were a hungry girl,” or "maybe all of that gymnastics made your tummy hungry." When they take a few bites and say they're done, respond with, "Okay, you don't have to eat more if you're not hungry." Now, if it’s meal time and you’re scheduled to be somewhere (this is us every morning before school), avoid repeating “please eat your breakfast,” and try saying “if you’re hungry, please focus on and eat your breakfast. If you’re not hungry, it’s time to get dressed.” This removes the force factor from the situation, and again connects food to hunger.
Avoid pressuring foods or meals on your child: Nobody likes to do things they are forced to do, including children. Remember the key is to keep food talk as neutral as possible. Avoid chasing your child around with a piece of chicken begging him to eat it. This sends a message to your child that you don’t trust him to know when he is hungry. It can also create fear and anxiety around eating in the long term, which is exactly what we don’t want. Put the food that you choose on his plate in front of him. If he’s hungry, let him eat. If he’s not, he can leave it. Don't worry. It's very rare for kids to go on long hunger strikes that are concerning. He will eat when he is hungry.
Avoid calling your child a “picky eater”: Did you ever get called “shy” or “too much” when you were young? Those labels can stick with us into adulthood. Labeling our kids as “picky” eaters can shape their self-image. They might start to believe that’s who they are. It might stand out so much that it hides other good traits. Doing this can close their minds off to exploring new foods as they grow older. If offered an international food, for example, they may decline it because they know that they are a “picky” eater and believe they will dislike it. Choose your adjectives wisely and keep a neutral tone.
Remember, kids adapt to their consistent environment. Keep trying and keep practicing. You’ve got this!
Do you have any success or struggle stories you’d like to share regarding kids and food? Did your parents or caregivers use a strategy that worked well (or not)? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
Talk soon,
Emily
